Arggghhh! The 2WW sucks!!

Ok so week 1 of the two week wait for the blood test is over. It seems interminable! I am debating taking a test early. Part of me is super anxious to know, the other part is totally scared that it will be negative. I am having the breast tenderness, I fluctuate between hot flashes and freezing to death, and I don't know whether these are good signs or whether I am looking so hard for positive signs that I see them everywhere. I bought a box of tests today, but so far haven't brought myself to the point that I can use them. I just hate to get my hopes all up to be disappointed, but I also want to do my best to keep thinking positively. This will work, someone up there has to be on our side. Guess for now I'm just hanging loose and trying to keep my mind off of it. Check back in soon!

Here we go

Ok so today was the first day of injections. Had my baseline u/s done yesterday down in Indy which was a long drive for 5 min in the office and a $1600 bill. They showed me how to inject myself, which looked really simple, til I got home tonight and stared at the needle. Ok, so it isn't a big needle, truthfully it's fine and short, but it took me a good 30 minutes of staring at it, attempting, then chickening out, before I could actually put the needle in my stomach. I was nervous, and totally expecting it to hurt. I have a decent pain tolerance, and needles don't generally bother me, but there is something about having to stick a needle in yourself that totally changes your perspective. I looked at Nick and asked, as I chickened out for the 5th or 6th time, "How do diabetic people do it?" He looked at me and said, "Well they don't want to die." I joke all the time about how I have no willpower when it comes to food, but if I had to give myself an injection like this every day for the rest of my life I would be dieting and exercising like crazy. I would never touch another french fry or piece of chocolate. So I finally get up the guts to put the needle in my stomach. It didnt hurt at all, what had I been so scared of? I pushed down the injector button, held it in for 10 seconds, then pulled it out, no big deal. That's when it started to sting. As soon as that needle came out it was like my flu shot all over again. Not totally pain filled, but definitly uncomfortable. But it's done. Now I just have to repeat it every night at 7pm for the next 10 days or so. Nick's mom made the comment last night, as we were complaining about the prices, "You can't put a price on a baby." Uh, sorry, but I beg to differ, you can definitly put a price on it, and this month it is $2500 and a daily dose of discomfort. And apparently the longer it takes to get pregnant, the more it costs. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that our buck stops here and we finally have some luck, keep your fingers and toes crossed for us, and a little prayer sent our way wouldn't hurt either.

Injections...Ugh

Ok so only 5 months this time, go me!! Still no luck ttc. In September I started seeing a reprodcutive endocrinologist recommended to me by some of the fabulous ladies that I work with. Dr. Henry has been great, easy to talk to, and willing to do whatever it takes to find a plan that works for us. That being said, tomorrow or Wed I go in for my baseline u/s (day 1 started this evening)and from there I begin injections of Follistim. So, I am totally nervous. I am nervous about giving myself the injections in the stomach, even though I realize that it is a tiny needle. I am also nervous about Nick giving me the HCG injection in the hip, cause that needle is a little bigger. But mostly I am nervous that we are going through all of this, spending all this money, getting our hopes up, and it isn't going to work. I am doing my best to have positive thoughts, which is hard given all the disappointment to date coupled with all the crazy hormones. If it works, I am going to have one of the best birthdays ever. If it doesn't.....I don't even want to think about it. I just want things to go well, keep your fingers crossed for us!

On to happier news, I have a beautiful 3 level deck that I am doing my best to enjoy at every opportunity. It took almost every weekend this summer, and it still needs railing and some stairs, but it is done enough that we can sit out and chill. I was recently promoted and am doing a lot of training for the Auto UN position. So I guess you could say there are some other stressors in my life :). Mom's official last day of work is Friday, the lucky girl! So life is chugging along, a little faster than I would like, but hey, I am trying to enjoy each day I am given and I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for the best.

Yes, I am aware it has been almost a year...

And yet I have found my way back :). The struggles continue, but I am confident that things are going to get better. We are still hard at work to become parents, and the doc keeps pouring on the drugs in an effort to make my body work the way it should. I am crazy all the time, hormones up and down and all over. Poor Nick takes it all in stride and seems to be dealing well with the constant fluctuations in my moods.We are preparing for a trip to Vegas with Angie, Ron, Chris, Eric, & Melanie. We are looking forward to a wonderful trip and I am counting down the days. We ordered materials for a deck yesterday, and though Nick is not excited about building, I can hardly wait to enjoy my backyard on my new deck!! We have been hard at work trying to make our house look nice, working on flower beds and getting the garden in order. Ava had her first communion on Saturday and we loved watching her sing with such a heartfelt voice :) Overall, things are going fairly well, though I am still struggling to bring my weight back to what it should be, partly because of the drugs, but also partly because I find it hard to say no to temptation. Sometimes sugar totally calls my name!! Here's to a wonderful summer on it's way!!